Heat Exhaustion IS--Wait, Is NOT Funny

Three years ago my biological dad (Ronnie) died suddenly from respiratory arrest due to emphysema. He had struggled with emphysema for fifteen or more years. I didn't have much of a relationship with him and nor did I really try to. To this day it is one of my biggest regrets. I still go over in my head all the things I wish I had said to him. I spent a week in Missouri with my sisters trying to iron out all the details of his memorial service and other complicated situations. That week felt like a month. I didn't think it would ever end.

At the end of the week my husband decided to take me to Six Flags in St. Louis. He thought it would be a good way to cheer me up. I was a little excited--no, I was SUPER excited. Amusement Parks are one of the few ways into my heart. The day we went, it being the middle of July and all, was about 105 degrees Fahrenheit. The Six Flags in St. Louis doesn't have many trees and water was about $7.00 per bottle. So, obviously, we didn't drink much.

There were a couple of rides I remember in particular. One being a spinning ride called the Xcaliber which spun in two different directions. We waited in line in the sun for about 20 minutes. It seemed longer than that. After being seated on the ride I immediately felt how exhausted my body was so as soon as the ride started, feeling the wind graze across my face, I fell asleep.

I waited for Hubs outside of a bathroom for probably 5 minutes.

The entrance to this wooden roller coaster, called The Boss, was annoying. It was not just a walk but a journey along a deck that got higher and higher as we approached the roller coaster. I could see the ride and yet very far from it. After walking a very long way and being somewhat high we boarded the coaster. The ride was fun! We were going up and down over and over until we went into a spiral that probably circled three times. Luckily that was at the very end of the ride. After the ride came to a stop is when the actual fun began.

We get off the roller coaster and just as we step through the exit.....

Not only was it inconvenient that my husband puked all over the exit, which meant walking through it, but also that we had that horrible long walk to make back down the deck, AND the wood railing was up so high any person would have to make a running leap to even hoist themselves up on it. All that to say, hubs was screwed and so were the rest of us that were behind him.

But that’s not even the best part. I’ll never forget the look he gave us when he turned around and looked us all in the eye.

Even though this was probably one of his most embarrassing moments that look showed us that he didn’t care what we thought. I think he got a little bit of enjoyment out of it because of all the girls screaming. He likes to upset people and I’m okay with that...as long as it isn’t me! Turns out he had heat exhaustion. We had to leave the park immediately because he kept turning a different shade of pale. It was quite remarkable actually. By the time we got home (6 hours later) he was back to his normal color.

But this story is really about me and how I benefited from it. That day my husband fulfilled one of my darkest wishes: to see someone throw up on a roller coaster. I've seen it on movies, heard about it from other people, but never actually witnessed it with my eyes. It was incredible!

So here is a special thanks to my husband for always trying to make me happy even if it’s at his own expense.

It's Hard Being Lawful Good

Before a few weeks ago, I had never played Dungeons and Dragons, although it is something I've always wanted to do. I felt it would be a great way for me to expand my imagination. When I started playing, the Dungeon Master helped me set up my character as a Paladin (a heavy armored knight). Her name is Cal, and she is lawful good. Besides myself, I have two friends that are joining me in my adventuring: Esteban who is a lawful good monk who happens to be a frog, and Yiii is a chaotic good fetchling, who is a human born on the shadow plane. Our main quest is to retrieve a relic from the church to which I have pledged my life. The relic protects my town and it is imperative that it is returned.

When I first started playing the game, I was having a lot of fun, but was having some problems getting into character. This is that story.

Our company came to a cave.

We proceed into the woods.

Yiii successfully sneaks in and grabs the dad pixie; the family didn't even notice he was missing. We take the pixie back to the cave.

This, apparently, is not lawful good. Here is what it means to be lawful good:

A lawful good being kills whenever necessary to promote the greater good, or to protect themselves, their companions, or anyone whom they are vowed to defend. They do not kill a person who is merely suspected of a crime, nor does this character necessarily kill someone they perceive to be a threat unless they have tangible evidence or certain knowledge of evildoing. They never kill for treasure or personal gain. They never knowingly kill an innocent being.

Well technically I didn't kill the pixie. But, that doesn't matter. A lawful good character isn't supposed to make helpful sacrificial suggestions even if they are trying to make it easier on the other player who is doing the killing. What I should have been doing was this:

My next D&D quest was a lot more lawful good. I didn't attack anyone without a very good reason or make any violent suggestions on how to kill innocent creatures. I’m learning!

Avernersary!

Today I've been married for seven years.

One of my favorite memories of being married is the honeymoon. That trip was a blast! We had the chance to go to Rome, Italy and we took it. This was his first time being out of the country and it was my second. I once crossed the border into Mexico and bought some wooden figurines. It totally counts!

One thing I love most about this trip was it put our first week of marriage to the test. I’ll start from the beginning.

The Plane Ride:

We first flew to Atlanta, Georgia and from there would board our flight to Rome. We had a three hour layover which was no biggie since I had my Gameboy to play. The flight to Rome was going to be ten hours. But that’s okay because now that I’m married to my boyfriend of two-years we’ll have tons to talk about! We board the plane and the plane people heavily suggested we try to sleep on the flight as much as possible. No problem! I’ll just cuddle with my honey bunny and we’ll conquer this sleep thing. Well, I can’t sleep on planes. The seats don't recline enough. The seats in front of me reclined  too much so the person’s head was practically in my lap. Hubs was asleep immediately. I probably tried for two hours to fall asleep with no luck. Instead I tried to watch the movie that was playing. Eight Below?! That was the movie?! I HATE that movie. It’s the saddest movie ever. I’d rather watch The Fox and the Hound. So I decided to sleep for real then. Yeah right....

I looked out the window and saw that the sun was just rising. I couldn't have been asleep for more than a couple hours. There wasn't any point now to try and fall back asleep since we would be landing in Rome in a couple hours. From my past record it takes that long for me to even doze off.

The Hotel:

After landing, getting off the plane, and getting our luggage we stood around by the exit a little confused.

Lucky for us a nice Roman taxi driver saw our frightened faces and said he would drive us. Now, after watching Hostel I had a few street smarts; you just don’t trust anyone. But, having only slept for a few hours (if that) I could care less if this guy is going to kidnap us and dismember us; I’ll probably just sleep through the whole thing anyway. We gladly accept his offer to take us to the hotel. He’s super nice only I can’t understand a word he’s saying because of his accent. So I say “what?” a lot in which he stops trying to talk to me and only talks to Hubs. Fine with me, I’m super cranky anyway. We finally arrived at the hotel. We climbed three flights of stairs and made our way to the very tiny lobby. I think the entire hotel was on the third floor. We were told where our room was and headed that way. Our king-size bed was two full-size beds pushed together with one giant sheet over them. The bathroom door would only stay closed because of all the duct tape that was on it where the lock was supposed to be....so much for pooping in privacy. The shower was very skinny. When standing in it my body touched every side of it....so much for a romantic shower together. BUT we did have a balcony which was cool. Since the room completely sucked we decided to explore the city.

Colosseum:

Let me just mention that we arrived in Rome at 1:00pm. There is a six hour difference between here and Oklahoma. So back home it’s actually 7am and I pretty much stayed up all night. I don’t stay up all night. I need at least eight hours of sleep to function properly. We set off exploring and after walking about a mile we turn down an alley and there it was.

The Colosseum was right down the street. I've only ever seen this thing in history books and there it was. It was so beautiful. 

We spent a couple hours at the Colosseum walking around and looking for loose rocks (which we found none). So instead I filled up a vomit bag with dirt I got off the ground from within the Colosseum. I was feeling really tired it was already getting close to 6:00pm. We walked back to the hotel. We laid on the bed to rest our eyes for a few minutes. Well seven hours later (1:00am) I am refreshed and ready to get the day started with some tours. I showered, got dressed, looked at the time.....oh.....kay. Well I’ll just watch some TV for a few hours. After watching TV for 6 hours I fell asleep again. Slept for another 6 hours and missed all the tours. Grr! This was only the beginning of frustrating moments.

Our Magical Week in a Nutshell:

The first two days were great! We had three meals per day and just goofed around and bought stuff. The third day was a little less great. We kind of ran out of money. We didn't realize things were incredibly expensive in a tourist attraction area. The complementary breakfast wasn't all that great but it was food and we needed the energy boost. We skipped lunch for the next couple days and only ate dinner. Luckily we did have American snacks but by our last day we were out of those. We walked everywhere since that’s what the Romans did and since we figured transportation would be expensive. Just by walking, drinking water to fill the void in my stomach, and eating 1.5 meals a day I dropped 2 pant sizes in a week. After about a day of not eating normally I was feeling a bit cranky and so was my perfect husband. He was the only one that spoke English in this city and he was unpleasant. Later one night I got my feelings hurt. We couldn't go out past dark because he didn't think it was safe and I was getting bored playing Canasta every night for 4 or 5 hours.

I’m not sure what he said after this because the only words I was listening for were, “Aw, okay, we’ll do what you want.” He must have said those words because I remember getting to go to the Colosseum after dark when it was all lit up. I got one blurry picture before my lame camera died; to which my husband replied “If we go back to the hotel for batteries we’re staying in for the night.”

By our last day we didn't even eat dinner. I drank so much water that night. My stomach hurt bad enough that I couldn't fall asleep. We turned on the TV and Disney’s Dumbo was playing. It was all in Italian; no subtitles. I’d never seen Dumbo until then and I never want to see it again. I finally fell asleep and when I woke up I was so excited not just to go home but to EAT. We packed our stuff ran to the lobby and ate the BEST continental breakfast ever made. I even drank coffee! I hate coffee but not that day I didn't.

The Plane Ride Home:

The plane ride home was uneventful which means it was SUPER boring. We got stuck in the middle seats. My Gameboy died 2 minutes after playing it because my husband played it when we first boarded and ran down the batteries. So I watched the news for 2 hours. Then I noticed Hubs was playing Sudoku. I insisted that I help. He was using a pen and since I was running on crazy and my logic skills were malfunctioning I messed up his puzzle. He’s smart so he got it worked out.

By now most everyone on the plane was asleep. After watching the news some more an episode of Will and Grace came on. Finally, something potentially funny! I plugged in my headphones and put them on then made myself comfortable. As you know when wearing headphones it's hard to hear how loud you actually are when trying to tell someone something. 

I’m not a very observant person so I didn't know people were sleeping. Looking around I saw that people were looking at me a little irritated I guess from me waking them up with a boisterous laugh? I didn't really feel all that bad because it wasn't my fault they missed the funniest episode of a sitcom ever aired. You snooze you lose! 

We finally landed, I saw some cows, got a craving for meat, then ate some homemade food with beef in it. The trip ended well.

My honeymoon sounds completely horrible but it is by far my most favorite trip ever taken. I love you honey! Happy Avernersary! (SNL reference)